Signs that trust is lacking in your relationship

Trust is fundamental to any successful relationship. Not feeling like you can trust your partner, or feeling like your partner doesn’t trust you is upsetting and drives a wedge between you.

Often I hear client’s say that trust has been broken and they feel there is no way back for the relationship. Other times, it becomes clear as we talk about the issues they are experiencing that there is a lack of trust in the relationship.

Read on for 10 signs that trust is lacking in your relationship:

Secretiveness

Do you feel like you can tell your partner anything? Are there certain things you don’t feel able to discuss with them?

Is your partner secretive about what they have been doing? Do they hide their phone or make sure it is always with them? Do they give you vague answers when you ask what they have been doing?

Secretive behaviour can indicate that either of you doesn’t feel comfortable sharing information and that there are areas of life which are kept separate. This undermines trust between you.

Questioning

Whilst it is normal to ask about your partner’s day, excessive questioning or demands to know what you have been doing/where/with whom can be signs that your partner doesn’t trust you. They may be insecure or fearing that you are going to leave them. Excessive questioning indicates a lack of trust and can be draining and hurtful to deal with.

Jealousy

Is your partner jealous of others who speak to you? Are they possessive? Jealousy can be very destructive within a relationship. It may show as your partner wanting to know what you have been doing and questioning you. They may feel threatened when you speak to other people, no matter how innocent your interactions are.

Lack of communication

Healthy communication is a fundamental part of any relationship. You should feel that you can speak to your partner about anything, and vice versa. If your partner' isn’t communicating with you this can be a sign that your relationship is in trouble. If you don’t feel you can talk to your partner about something, that is an indication that there is an issue which may need to be worked through.

Actions not matching words

Does your partner say they will do something then fails to do so? It can be very upsetting and disappointing to have your partner’s words not be matched with their actions. Over time this erodes the trust between you, as you feel you can’t rely on them.

Phone checking

Phone checking can be a sign that there is a lack of trust in your relationship. Do you feel like there is something your partner is hiding from you? If you feel the urge to check their phone, notice that there is something bothering you to make you consider checking. Can you identify what has made you feel suspicious? Bear in mind that if you do check your partner’s phone, they are likely to find your actions extremely invasive.

Micromanaging

Trusting relationships allow each of you to have autonomy over your time and decisions. When trust is breaking down, sometimes people attempt to micro manage the movements and actions of the other person. Is your partner constantly checking in on you? Do they want to know what you are doing, where and who with all the time? This can indicate a lack of trust in your relationship. As the person on the receiving end, this type of behaviour can feel suffocating and overwhelming.

Lack of reliance

A lack of reliance on each other can indicate a trust issue. Do you feel like you turn to others for advice and support before your partner? That is worth digging into, to explore why you don’t feel you can rely on your partner. Do you each seek out companionship with others? It is healthy to have a support network around you rather than relying on one person, but your partner should be a part of your support network. If they aren’t, it is worth considering why.

Assuming the worst about the other

Do you or your partner always go to the most negative interpretation of the actions of the other? Do you assume the worst of each other? This can show a lack of trust. In a healthy relationship each gives the other the benefit of the doubt and there are open channels of communication to sort out any disagreements or misunderstandings.

Lack of emotional intimacy

If you or your partner are distant from each other and don’t talk about your feelings this can be an indicator of issues between you. A healthy relationship built on trust allows for open communication and vulnerability. If you are emotionally distant, this may mean you don’t trust your partner to be able to support you or you don’t trust that you can be vulnerable around them.

The above isn’t an exhaustive list. If some are present in your relationship, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is beyond saving. It does however show there is some work to be done to improve and restore trust between you.