How to communicate respectfully with your co-parent

Respectful communication is a cornerstone of a successful co-parenting relationship.

It can be really difficult to change well established patterns of communication, especially if during your relationship your communication style perhaps was a little confrontational. Fostering a respectful environment however is crucial for our kids and their emotional wellbeing.

Not sure where to start? Read on for my top tips:

• Be clear and to the point. Avoid unnecessary explanations/justification or emotional language that could lead to a misunderstanding.

• Draft a message and leave it for 5 minutes. Go back to it and review to see if you can shorten or be clearer.

• Avoid insults, digs or emotionally charged comments. As above, draft and then give yourself time before you review. This takes the heat out the situation and allows you to filter out any emotional language or inappropriate comments.

• Acknowledge if your coparent has been helpful or supportive of you/your children. If they have shown flexibility or a willingness to work together then make it clear you appreciate that. This will help to create a more cooperative working relationship.

• Focus on solutions, not problems. Before you raise an issue, think of potential solutions and put them forward at the same time as you raise the issue.

• Respect boundaries. If your ex has asked you not to message about arrangements for the kids during their working hours, respect that. If you don’t respect their boundaries, how can you expect them to respect yours?

• Remain calm if your ex becomes confrontational or is looking for a fight. You have a choice about how you respond. Take a few minutes away and consider whether you need to reply or not. If you do, follow the tips above to keep your responses appropriate.

Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and practice to refine your communication with your ex, but it is so worth it for you and for your children.