Co-parenting for beginners - communication

Shifting from being in a relationship to being coparents is a huge adjustment. You are used to communicating with each other as part of a couple but upon separation, the dynamic changes completely and so your communication style needs to change too.

This can be a huge shift for many, as they learn to navigate their ‘new normal’. Ground rules can be helpful, and these are my top ground rules for communicating as co-parents:

• Leave your relationship issues to one side. Easier said than done, I know. However discussions about what went wrong in your relationship and who is to blame has no place in co-parenting discussions. Vent your issues about your relationship to a friend or family member who can listen and support you.

• Be respectful. There is no place for name calling or passive-aggressive comments. Your children will be very aware of any tension between you and how you are speaking to each other.

• Avoid blaming language. Phrases such as '“you always do…..” or speaking about whose ‘fault’ things are is not conducive to a productive conversation.

• Focus on your children and what their needs are. If the conversation veers towards more personal things, direct the conversation back to your children.

• If you have issues to discuss and resolve other than about your children, set a separate time for these discussions. Don’t try to resolve things quickly on the doorstep during handover.

• If your ex fails to communicate respectfully with you in person, consider having discussions via text, email or a third party. You can also consider having a third party do handovers for a time, whilst you all adjust to your new situation and emotions calm.

  The initial stages of a separation can be very tricky. Emotions may still be high and you both, along with your children, are adjusting to your new circumstances. Giving yourself grace as you navigate the early stages, keeping things civil and having someone you can confide in will all help you through this.